Japanese culture, lesson 2: Honne and Tatemae

The Author writes (with some reordering to make things clearer):

"There is the way things are and the way we'd like them to be.
The reality and the facade.
The real reason and the pretext.
The substance and the form.
Being direct and being diplomatic.
And the truth and the white lie.
In short, that is honne and tatemae, respectively.

Since avoiding conflict and trouble is extremely important in Japan, using diplomatic language is often used rather than the direct approach.
It's said that in formal situations a direct "No" is avoided and there are a thousand nicer alternatives -- which can be true, but it depends a lot on the situation and social status of the parties involved.
Japanese may say things very politely and vaguely, but if the meaning is not clear it's perfectly acceptable to ask for clarification."

Nothing more to add here..

One thing I can say from my experience is that if you don't understand Honne and Tatemae after sometime you'll get completely lost in Japan, and I really mean lost..